It's really hard to complain about life. I have a steady job, working four 10-hour shifts Mon - Thurs, (even though I'm on the bus at 5:40 am to get there). I have a good house in a good neighborhood. My bills are reasonable, both cars paid for. I've graduated from college. I have a computer with DSL and a Xbox 360 (yes, I am waiting for Halo 3...).
Now the important things: I've got good friends at my church and I'm able to minister out of my giftings there. I have three wonderful boys who are a delight to me every day. My beautiful wife is my breath and my joy. I have been redeemed from my sins and walk as a new creation as a son of the Most High King.
My only reaction should be one of continual thanks to Jesus for all these blessings.
I don't know why we have such a hard time being content. I do know that God has placed me at my church, at my job, in my town.
I can't shake the feeling that I'm in a place of...isolation? It seems that I am far from making a difference with my life, at least the difference I think I could be making. My heart is for ministry. My heart is to actively and consistently be of service to my Lord. I have dreams of doing greater things than what I'm doing right now. My job is quite unfulfilling in the day to day grind of things. Why can't I be doing something else? Then again, last year at this time I was out of work for 4 months, so how dare I complain?
Now, I know that I am called to serve God wherever I am, that my work and my town are mission fields in and of themselves. I know that true worship is walking in the light every day and being a vessel ready to be used by Him at any time. I realize this, and I really do my best to walk in it (not that any of us nail it perfectly all the time).
I ask the Lord to help me be content where I am. I feel like the description Yoda gives about Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back, "Always looking to the stars, longing for adventure is he." (paraphrase) I try to stay focused on what is in front of me, not worrying about tomorrow for He knows my needs and His purpose for me.
Still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm in a Joseph place right now. Whether it's in the prison or Potiphar's house, I think I need to do the best I can right now, keeping faith that God will be faithful to the call and words spoken to me in the past. I've been reading some novels where the main character has their "wilderness" experience, frustrated that they're not in the Promised Land yet, but being led by their God into these trying times to test or train them. I wonder if that's where I am right now.
I'm not sure why this post bubbled out of me. I don't want to be a whiner. Sometimes we learn from others' struggles, so maybe someone out there can relate or get something out of this. If you can't get anything here, try Heather over at L'Chaim, who has a good response to this post (even though she posted first!)