It Be A Pirate Holiday

Arrr, yeah!

It be that favored holiday of this here blog, International Talk Like A Pirate Day. For years Spoiled For The Ordinary has championed September 19th as a high day of silliness and pirate-y things. This year be no exception.

For today only, get the excellent pirate novel Pirate Hunter by Tom Morrisey free on Kindle, Nook, or whatever preferred vessel o'reading ye have.

Here be some other fine pirate tales from the master story-teller George Bryan Polivka. This blog has featured these tales before as well.

The Library of Congress has some excellent reading for you scurvy dogs that can actually read.

I may not fancy these Buccaneers, but anyone who has a pirate ship in their stadium is a salty dog.






And these rascals of the Seven Seas 'ere not to be trusted. They make break out in brawlin' or a piano duet at any time. ARRR!

Top 5 Things to Do While Stuck in an Airport

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. 

When stuck in an airport due to weather, mechanical failures, or the pilot having hiccups, here is a list to help you pass the time.

5. Browse the Bookstores. See how many magazines you can read before you get kicked out or are forced to buy something.

4. Entertain your fellow passengers. These enterprising guys found a way to make a moving sidewalk into something more than just a people mover. If you’re brave, start a flash mob or get everyone into a sing-along.

3. Leave the secure area and go through security again. This makes them wonder, and ensures you get the full security experience if you missed it the first time.

2. People watching. The classic airport event. You can simply observe others in a subtle manner, or play games such as “Guess the Europeans” (men wearing capris is a tell-tale sign).

1. Write a blog post. You can give people hints on how the pass the time…

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A New Weather Service

For those of us in geekdom that need a better way to appreciate the local weather beyond the tired "sunny" or "rainy", Spoiled for the Ordinary is pleased to point you to a new paradigm:

The Star Wars Weather Forecast.



Forget your Republic-issue thermal underwear?

Is it sunny where you are? It may be like Tatooine. Winter here in Idaho is best idenified by Hoth. The brainchild of Tom Scott, this new weather site is unlike any other in the galaxy. Be sure to read the screen carefully for tidbits only Star Wars fans will love.

And I dare ya to enter a fictitious place...

Hat tip to Technabob via Wired.

Yub-nub!

Thankfully, the Aliens Repelled the Zombie Attack...

...but that still left us open to abduction.

OK, not much of an April Fools here, but I do have a little announcement. Later this month the CFBA blog tour will be featuring the latest book from Ted Dekker: BoneMan's Daughters. This is a special book for Dekker, according to his blog, and to celebrate, I will be able to give away not one, not two, but THREE copies of BoneMan's Daughters. How about that? And that is NOT an April Fools prank.

So I encourage you to keep coming back, as I'll have more about this later in the month.

Assuming the aliens are done with me by then...
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Star Wars - Warped

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Hat tip to The Point.

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Shopping for Christian Fiction?

This might be all too true.

HT to Dave Brooks

Christmas Memories

I want to have traditions for our family, especially around Christmas. However, I didn't intend for our yearly Christmas tree hunt to be traditionally filled with bloopers. Last year we had a memorable experience. I thought this year would be quiet. Yeah...

We decided to go to a local guy who has a small Christmas tree farm to have a fresh tree. My sister-in-law decided to tag along with us and pick up one as well. We made quite an entrance with 7 kids between us all.

She quickly found a tree and her teenager cut it down. I started to pull on my leather work gloves, which I had grabbed from my back porch before leaving. I got the right glove mostly on when I felt a prick in the space between my index and middle finger. Huh. Must have a needle in it or something. Except the sharp pain started getting worse.

I yanked the glove off. A wiggling wasp fell out.

So THAT was the culprit. Darn thing trying to get warm. I hope it froze out there.

Well, if that was our excitement for the day, it wasn't bad (as I write 2 days later with my finger still swollen). I made sure to shake my gloves out, then found our own tree and did my best Paul Bunyan.

The problem was how to get home. I had planned on putting the tree on my van's roof. My sister-in-law had brought her Expedition with a travel case on top. She didn't really want needles in her vehicle. As her teenaged son wondered why they hadn't brought his truck, I confidently said we could put both on top of my Caravan. After fighting bungee cords and pine needles, we were ready.

For trouble.

It is about a 5 mile trip on the highway back into town. I drove slowly, since my boys expressed concern that the trees might fall off. As Dads do, I reassured them that it wouldn't happen...

Hey, was that a couple of Christmas trees that landed in the middle of the road?

Yep, our trees did a nice bounce off the pavement. We both pulled over, and thankfully there wasn't much traffic as my niece and nephew jumped in the road right away. Also, I was impressed as our trees weren't reduced to kindling. They relented and shoved their slippery spruce in the back of the Expedition, as I firmly lashed ours back to the van. We all managed to arrive at home without further excitement.

So far.

Bad Day at the Office

You know the game (and season) isn't going your way when this happens. I wonder what the injury report will read...

"All I Want for Christmas..."

Our son Matthew was working on two loose teeth, the "front teeth" from the son, and was getting really excited as they started wiggling. Friday morning his patience was rewarded when the first one popped out in the morning.

But that wasn't enough for him. The second one was pretty loose, so he kept working on it through the day. He was standing on the vanity for an hour, looking in the mirror working in back and forth during the afternoon.

He wanted to go with me to the store, so we went grocery shopping around 4-5 pm. In the second store he showed me how loose the second one was. I told him he'd better wait until we got home so he didn't lose it. (An employee asked me if I needed help and I inquired about tooth containers. He seemed stumped by that one, so we moved along.)

Matt also made the executive decision that we should order pizza, so we called it in and picked it up. When we got home the rest of the family was watching some Disney Channel, so I whipped out a blanket so they could picnic and watch at the same time.

After a few bites, Matt glanced my way while happily munching on his requested pizza. I noted a change in his prior status:

"Matt, where's your tooth?"

He stopped chewing, holding mushy pizza in his mouth while panicking as possibilities ran through his quick little mind. He said he didn't feel anything crunchy. I got him a plate so he could examine his mastication content. Alas, no missing dentition could be found.

He swallowed a tooth.

He didn't find this as amusing as his parents did, and he wept crocodile tears as we comforted him. We reassured him that the tooth fairy knows when little kids lose a tooth, regardless if it is under the pillow or not. This must not have soothed him, since he asked for big rubber gloves to do some, ahem, "checking" for the tooth the next day.

Thankfully, the tooth fairy didn't let him down. He got a special little Lego set he wanted. And he didn't have to call Joe the Plumber to help him with his lost tooth.

This Here Be a Pirate Blog!

ARRRR! This year's Talk Like a Pirate Day is brought to you today by Black-Eye Nate. If ye be darin' the edge o'his cutlass, then enter.

Black-Eye Nate commandeered our backyard playhouse, and I barely survived walkin' the plank. All be well now. All kinds of booty ere accepted, but plastic pirate men be exceptional treasure!



Yer pirate resources for 2008:


Gráinne Ní Mháille, better known as Grace O'Malley, a famous female pirate in the time of Queen Elizabeth I.

This be an excellent pirate game fer the Xbox!

Shiver yer timbers with this pirate radio show.

A reason to plunder an iPhone, finally. Yarr!

Lego Relient K, starring in the video for The Pirates who Don't Do Anything.

Piracy in the Bible? The evidence be here.

Ten Easy Steps

Thanks to Maureen Johnson, a YA (young adult) science fiction of some repute, for the following highly informative post:

HOW TO BE A WRITER IN TEN EASY STEPS.

Finally! After all this time, the answer has been revealed! We can all stop working so hard now and follow this tested* methods for becoming a writer. I am good on Step Three at least. Seven and Eight are coming along.

Hat tip to John C. Wright.

*I haven't personally tested this, and cannot vouch for the methodology used.

What's Your Super Power?

I've decided that I have a super power. It is uncanny how this ability manifests time and time again in times of stress. I've always imagined being able to fly, having super strength, or having laser beams come from my eyes to zap the twit that just cut me off in traffic. I never thought something like this would happen to plain, ordinary me.

Now I wonder how I can harness my gift for the greater good. What can I do to serve people with this amazing power?

What is this awesome and terrible display of super-human ability, you ask?

I have the ability to make traffic lights turn red.

DO NOT LAUGH. It proves itself over and again. I will be hurrying to work, running to the store, or on a leisurely drive through town. It never fails. The crimson orb hanging in the intersection glows in my presence. Why I would be chosen for such a talent does vex me. Also, how can I use it effectively to fight crime and evil-doers? Perhaps I drive around with a police scanner, and start following any nefarious people and trap them at the light? I must ponder this...

Anyone else out there have some ability, something unique that you can't explain, but you know it is meant to be wielded by you alone? What is this gift, and how do you use it?

Family Game Night...with Joel Olsteen!

From the department of "I'm not making this up."

Your Best Life Now, The Game: based off the book by Joel Osteen.

In just 30 minutes, you can live life to your full potential! Play through exciting levels of enlarging your vision or finding strength through adversity! Found at quality establishments offering overstocked merchandise that wouldn't sell anywhere else (I saw it at Tuesday Morning).

*sigh*

The Cap'n

Cap'n Caleb was not in the mood fer havin' his picture taken by a landlubber. His temper was fierce, n' there was not peace to be found after he left the poopdeck for his quarters.

Thankfully, the swashbuckler was later appeased with milk and a graham cracker. This pirate cap'n's treasure ere not measured in gold n' jewels, but in tasty carbohydrates. Arrrrrr!

ARRRR!

Today's post for the blog tour will focus on...hey! What are you doing? Who are you? Lemme gooooooo


Arrr. This here blog is bein' boarded fer the celebration of "Talk Like a Pirate Day". Every September 19th we come t'gether fer great silliness - but if ye land lubbers dinna like it, ye be walkin' the plank. As always, th' pirates have scourged th' bilge rats that run this here blog until some suitable links are uncovered.

The Veggietales movie, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything .

How to talk like a pirate. If'n ye need help, here be a translator!

Read up on yer favorite pirate.

Read fine fiction books for more piracy.

Get yer pirate name, ye scurvy dogs!

If'n ye still need help...

We be sailin' on later, and we may let this bilge rat return to his blog, if it doesn't amuse us to have him walk the plank! Aye, keep an eye out for Cap'n Caleb later on today, if ye dare.

Sticky Hobo Spider Traps...

My wife is the local hobo spider paranoid expert. She is freaked out curious about them, and so is always looking to capture them. If you're interested in finding out more, you can check this reference.

Anyway, she had them strategically placed throughout our house and garage, making it treacherous for ANY hobo to darken our door. Why, behold what we caught just today while checking behind the sofa:


























He won't be going anywhere soon...








Aw fishsticks, he got away...

Simple Words of Wisdom, Part 1

Happy wife, happy life.

- Jeff Allen

Star War Fans Understand

To this list from SciFiChick, I only say:

Star Wars fans nod, "Yes."

Search Engines and Vapor Rub

If you have a blog, I highly recommend utilizing a service like Blogflux's MapStats. It tracks where people are from who are visiting your blog, what brought them there (like a referring page), or what they were searching for on Google. It's cool to see people from around the world end up at Spoiled for the Ordinary.

I put the widget in my blog when I returned from Germany last year. I posted some pics from the Calling All Nations event we went to, and my link got posted on the website. So last July and August I received a ton of hits, with a majority of them international. Cool. For a while my traffic dropped in the fall as that link faded on that site, but it has been climbing since January.

I think the funniest thing about MapStats is checking out what search phrase people used to end up at this blog. Some of them make sense. "Jason Joyner," "Spoiled for the Ordinary" are at the top. My #2 search phrase is my review of the Song of Albion series by Stephen Lawhead for one of the first CSFF tours. Now I'm on the first page of Google for that phrase. I posted about the NBC show Heroes when it first started, so I got a lot of hits from that last fall. Not as many now, as I don't follow the show. There are phrases for books I've reviewed. I can understand why people would search for these things.

However...there are some pretty goofy things that I've had visits from:

Vick's Vapor Rub Expiration Date - I've had several searches for this! Hope they liked my tale of woe.

David Crowder and Evil Squirrels - Enough said.

Dinosaur ninjas - Um...yeah. Why would someone be searching for this anyway (and how did I end up posting about it?) My only guess is that it somehow involves John C. Wright.

One person came here looking for "spoiled teenager help". I can see how they'd be confused. Here's my advice: smack 'em, they probably earned it somewhere.

And my personal favorite: "cramer short squeeze tmy april 2007". I have no idea what they wanted or what they found here. I can only hope it wasn't for nefarious purposes.

If you don't have this widget, plug it in. It's easy, and it's good fun.

A Family Heirloom

I just had to show off my first attempt at making my mother's famous rum cake recipe. She bequeathed it to my brother when she died, and he gave it to us a year later (ya know, just so he could torture us a year - love you too bro!).

You may not get the full effect, but I was quite proud as it tastes awesome. I suppose you could lick the monitor, but I don't have that interactive of a blog.

Now taking orders at $25 a cake...